DEALING WITH PAST DIVORCE !

If you are reading this article and you’ve been divorced, you may be wrestling with your own questions or feelings of guilt—particularly if you’ve concluded that your divorce was not biblically grounded. It is easy to become weighed down by the shame of past mistakes. Sometimes there are abiding consequences in relationships with others, but before God, “If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (1 John 1:9).

“Repentance usually doesn't mean we get to do things over again; often it is too late to get a second chance with the same person, especially if one party has remarried,” Keener observes. “But it does mean that we make restitution as best as possible, confessing and doing whatever is possible to make things right with the people involved, including spouse, children, or anyone else affected by it.”

Vernick says, “Really messing up badly and understanding grace is the most beautiful thing that can happen.” She adds that we can show God our gratitude for his grace by learning from our mistakes. As we experience God’s grace for our failures or sins, it transforms us into more gracious people who readily extend God’s mercy and compassion to others.

DIVORCE ALLOWANCE IN CHRISTIANITY

The Bible only explicitly allows divorce for two reasons. Köstenberger, who is also the President of Biblical Foundations, summarizes: “Jesus proceeded to state one exception in which case divorce is permissible: sexual immorality on [the] part of one’s spouse, that is, in context, adultery (Matthew 19:9).” Köstenberger clarifies, “In such a case, however, divorce is not mandated or even encouraged—forgiveness and reconciliation should be extended and pursued if at all possible. But divorce is allowed, especially in cases where the sinning spouse persists in an adulterous relationship.”

Köstenberger goes on to note, “Paul adds a second exception, in instances where an unbelieving spouse abandons the marriage. This would typically be the case when one of the two partners is converted to Christ at some point after marrying and the other person refuses to continue in the marriage” (see 1 Corinthians 7).

MARRIAGE: A LONG LIFE COMMITMENT AND COVENANT

Scripture consistently communicates that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus described the relationship between husband and wife this way in Matthew 19:6: “They are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (NIV). Dr. Craig Keener, Professor of Biblical Studies at Asbury Theological Seminary, explains how crucial this understanding is, saying, “Jesus reminds us that in the beginning God joined man and woman together. ‘One flesh’ often refers to one's relatives or kin, so the husband and wife becoming ‘one flesh’ should be a family unit no less permanent than our families of origin should be.”

“The biblical ideal is marriage as a lifelong union between a man and a woman, both of whom are Spirit-filled disciples of Christ (Ephesians 5:18),” affirms Dr. Andreas Köstenberger, Senior Research Professor of New Testament and Biblical Theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He emphasizes that “marriage illustrates the principle of two becoming one, [a principle] which is also present in the spiritual union between Christ and the church (head and body; Ephesians 5:32).”

Dr. Beth Felker Jones, Associate Professor of Theology at Wheaton College, adds,

Marriage, created by God as a “one flesh” union, is meant to be a sign of God's unbreakable covenant with us. This is an important symbol throughout the Scriptures: God is compared to a husband and God's people to a wife. When, by the grace of God, we're able to keep a marriage together, we get to be symbols—imperfect symbols, but still symbols—of God's faithfulness to his people. Marriages are supposed to last because they are symbols of God's lasting love for us.